Hello. I know very little about you. I don’t know what your name is or how old you are. I don’t know where you grew up or when you ‘lived’ in this world of ours. You could have lived 100’s of years ago or simply still be a gleam in your parents’ eye.
It doesn’t matter.
What I do know is that you’ve struggled with basic concepts of life as we know it. You’ve asked questions that no one could answer to your satisfaction. I know this left you feeling alone and scared. Very alone, and very scared. It likely heighted your sense of fear and ramped up your fight or flight response. Maybe you’ve developed anxiety disorders or phobias as a result of feeling this incredibly difficult-to-live-with sense of vulnerability. It’s left you feeling unsafe, exposed, and assailable. This sense of impending doom likely caused you to suffer from panic attacks at an early age and maybe you still do.
What’s worse than not finding the answers you sought and desperately needed? What’s worse is discovering that the people you trusted and looked up to were just winging it at life. When it came down to what they ‘knew’, to what they could tell you with the utmost certainty and confidence, there was nothing they could offer.
Sure, they could tell you about what they learned from others, or what they surmised themselves, or what they decided to believe in. But no-one had the direct and satisfaction-inducing knowledge of what actually is.
At the end of the day, the bastards were just winging it!
They were just fuckin’ winging it!
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